I have a tendency to take on too much... I find I too succumb to Newton's laws - I stay in motion when life requires it, and sink into a quiet respite of inactivity when the opportunity presents itself. When I married my husband, he thought I never had moments of inactivity - everything was planned, often noted on a list, and typically executed. Today I found it difficult to muster the motivation to slip on a summer dress from my bath robe - ah, the joys of maternity leave... with nothing to do but nurture our son. Soon I will return to being a productive member of the community, but for now I am simply enjoying this sabbatical from (or perhaps to) life.
One of those undone 'tasks' on the unwritten 'to do' list is our birth announcement. We're beginning to make some headway though... my brother took the photos and I have weeded down the 200 plus images to about 10. Here are some of the final picks.
A heartfelt thank you to all of you who joined us in remembering my father on April 30th. I still waiver somewhere between denial and acceptance in my journey grieving this loss. It was wonderful to see so many faces who have been intricately woven into his/our/my life over the years. Folks I haven't seen since childhood and others I had not known, but with whom I share a common admiration and love.
Parenthood is teaching me so much more about my relationship with my father. I am gaining a deeper appreciation for who he was as a person and the choices he made in life. When we let some of his ashes go in a local river, my brother said "thanks for all you have done for us" - and continues to do. An old friend, who has also lost her father told me her young daughter often has conversations with an 'invisible friend' - the friend she believes is her father, acting as a guardian angel. I'd like to believe my dad is now (one of) our guardian angel, if not as Laton's imaginary friend, then in the way I read to him articles in The Economist rather than children's books or in how Eric and I are working together to avoid those 'irreversible mistakes' he always warned against. As I write this Laton's decided to take his first binky. Kura, it was a NUK.
One of those undone 'tasks' on the unwritten 'to do' list is our birth announcement. We're beginning to make some headway though... my brother took the photos and I have weeded down the 200 plus images to about 10. Here are some of the final picks.
A heartfelt thank you to all of you who joined us in remembering my father on April 30th. I still waiver somewhere between denial and acceptance in my journey grieving this loss. It was wonderful to see so many faces who have been intricately woven into his/our/my life over the years. Folks I haven't seen since childhood and others I had not known, but with whom I share a common admiration and love.
Parenthood is teaching me so much more about my relationship with my father. I am gaining a deeper appreciation for who he was as a person and the choices he made in life. When we let some of his ashes go in a local river, my brother said "thanks for all you have done for us" - and continues to do. An old friend, who has also lost her father told me her young daughter often has conversations with an 'invisible friend' - the friend she believes is her father, acting as a guardian angel. I'd like to believe my dad is now (one of) our guardian angel, if not as Laton's imaginary friend, then in the way I read to him articles in The Economist rather than children's books or in how Eric and I are working together to avoid those 'irreversible mistakes' he always warned against. As I write this Laton's decided to take his first binky. Kura, it was a NUK.
It is odd to find myself back on this page. I havent been here since the Memorial posts went up. When I logged in, here I was.
ReplyDeleteI came here today, to setup a family blog because for the first year of Ollie's life I kept a journal for him (or maybe myself) of all of the things we did. With time disappearing quicker than I ever expected, I would like to catch at least some of Carvers existence before he heads to kindergarten.
I am here because there is something that keeps your father in the front of my mind. I am not sure if it the brewery drawing near and my need to support and help it succeed, to ensure that we accomplish things the way he would have liked. Or maybe it is the fact that my father just completed his first year of sobriety! Or maybe just that our sons grow up a little each day and I want so badly for pop-pop to be here, standing beside me, sharing his wisdom and watching full of pride as they slowly turn into the young men. Regardless, I try and keep him in my thoughts, as close as I can get to him now, to help each day seem a little easier (which doesn't work, by the way).
Daily, I have to remind myself of the prayer that he lived his life by, to accept the things I cannot change. I both appreciate this statement and hate it. I guess this is just a rough spot in the "greiving process" as Kier refers to it, but I have yet to find the thing that makes it easier.
I guess that is all for now. It is funny to be here just one day after Kier because I miss him too, damnit.