Monday, June 20, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
A body in motion...
I have a tendency to take on too much... I find I too succumb to Newton's laws - I stay in motion when life requires it, and sink into a quiet respite of inactivity when the opportunity presents itself. When I married my husband, he thought I never had moments of inactivity - everything was planned, often noted on a list, and typically executed. Today I found it difficult to muster the motivation to slip on a summer dress from my bath robe - ah, the joys of maternity leave... with nothing to do but nurture our son. Soon I will return to being a productive member of the community, but for now I am simply enjoying this sabbatical from (or perhaps to) life.
One of those undone 'tasks' on the unwritten 'to do' list is our birth announcement. We're beginning to make some headway though... my brother took the photos and I have weeded down the 200 plus images to about 10. Here are some of the final picks.
A heartfelt thank you to all of you who joined us in remembering my father on April 30th. I still waiver somewhere between denial and acceptance in my journey grieving this loss. It was wonderful to see so many faces who have been intricately woven into his/our/my life over the years. Folks I haven't seen since childhood and others I had not known, but with whom I share a common admiration and love.
Parenthood is teaching me so much more about my relationship with my father. I am gaining a deeper appreciation for who he was as a person and the choices he made in life. When we let some of his ashes go in a local river, my brother said "thanks for all you have done for us" - and continues to do. An old friend, who has also lost her father told me her young daughter often has conversations with an 'invisible friend' - the friend she believes is her father, acting as a guardian angel. I'd like to believe my dad is now (one of) our guardian angel, if not as Laton's imaginary friend, then in the way I read to him articles in The Economist rather than children's books or in how Eric and I are working together to avoid those 'irreversible mistakes' he always warned against. As I write this Laton's decided to take his first binky. Kura, it was a NUK.
One of those undone 'tasks' on the unwritten 'to do' list is our birth announcement. We're beginning to make some headway though... my brother took the photos and I have weeded down the 200 plus images to about 10. Here are some of the final picks.
A heartfelt thank you to all of you who joined us in remembering my father on April 30th. I still waiver somewhere between denial and acceptance in my journey grieving this loss. It was wonderful to see so many faces who have been intricately woven into his/our/my life over the years. Folks I haven't seen since childhood and others I had not known, but with whom I share a common admiration and love.
Parenthood is teaching me so much more about my relationship with my father. I am gaining a deeper appreciation for who he was as a person and the choices he made in life. When we let some of his ashes go in a local river, my brother said "thanks for all you have done for us" - and continues to do. An old friend, who has also lost her father told me her young daughter often has conversations with an 'invisible friend' - the friend she believes is her father, acting as a guardian angel. I'd like to believe my dad is now (one of) our guardian angel, if not as Laton's imaginary friend, then in the way I read to him articles in The Economist rather than children's books or in how Eric and I are working together to avoid those 'irreversible mistakes' he always warned against. As I write this Laton's decided to take his first binky. Kura, it was a NUK.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Memorial Service this Saturday
Don will be remembered at a 2:00 PM memorial service on Saturday April 30, 2011 at St. John’s on Morgan Hill, 2720 Morgan Hill Road, Williams Township, Easton, PA www.STJohnsMorganHill.org
Hope to see you there.
Hope to see you there.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Announcing Laton James Pirtle
Our son, Laton, was born on 3/23 at 8:38pm. I think he may have the same way with numbers as my father did - March 23, btw, happens to be my parents wedding anniversary - and was also the date Eric and I got engaged. I was born on the summer solstice and am partical to the times of year when the sun crosses over the equator (equinox - the beginning of spring or fall), or from our vantage point on earth, comes to a stop and starts heading in the opposite direction (solstice - the beginning of summer or winter).
I'm sure all parents think their children are special, but I am surprised by how much I enjoy spending time with Laton. Just watching him stretch after a nap or look curiously at the ceiling fan is about the most fun I've had since our wedding. It helps me to understand how much my parents love me - something I 'knew' but truly didn't understand the depth or breadth of. It's been a wonderful 2 weeks and I'm trying to live each moment consciously as I am sure the 3 months maternity leave will fly by...
Looking forward to introducing you to Laton and celebrating my father at the memorial service on April 30th. My mom will be posting specific details of the memorial here shortly.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Grateful to Fargo
We were not supposed to be driving through North Dakota on December 9, but Don was ready to leave Montana and head home. Now, looking back, I can't help but wonder if the accident would have happened had we been driving a day, or a week later.
The frightening details of this journey began in Jamestown when a young woman helped me out of the truck and onto I94. I am thankful for the people who stopped and helped gather our belongings strewn about the highway and to the police and Jamestown Hospital staff who cared for us in those first hours. The hospital staff contacted a driver who drove me to Don who was in the Sanford Hospital. He also helped me check into the Sandia Hotel. This was the beginning of an unbelievably difficult experience.
I'm writing this because I need to express how your compassion and generosity helped me find the courage to face the myriad of emotions I would soon endure. I extend a very heartfelt thank you to the wonderful staff of Sanford Hospital who became my support system and extended family. I am grateful to the doctors (especially the Yankee fan), the interns and residents, the compassionate Critical Care nursing staff, the case and social workers, the tech savvy ladies in the business center who helped me stay connected and provided a safe and comfortable place to manage so many responsibilities, the volunteer who helped me meet so many of my needs, the wonderful people in the family rooms who shared their strength while facing their own hardships and the caring people of Fargo who opened their homes to me, shared their holidays, introduced me to their families, provided me with transportation, repaired my wedding ring and selflessly gave of themselves.
Now home alone, the days are long and the nights lonely. However, my thoughts of Fargo warm my heart and the love of my family and friends here at home give me comfort and peace. I will forever cherish my memories of Don and our 37 years together.
Gratefully yours,
The frightening details of this journey began in Jamestown when a young woman helped me out of the truck and onto I94. I am thankful for the people who stopped and helped gather our belongings strewn about the highway and to the police and Jamestown Hospital staff who cared for us in those first hours. The hospital staff contacted a driver who drove me to Don who was in the Sanford Hospital. He also helped me check into the Sandia Hotel. This was the beginning of an unbelievably difficult experience.
I'm writing this because I need to express how your compassion and generosity helped me find the courage to face the myriad of emotions I would soon endure. I extend a very heartfelt thank you to the wonderful staff of Sanford Hospital who became my support system and extended family. I am grateful to the doctors (especially the Yankee fan), the interns and residents, the compassionate Critical Care nursing staff, the case and social workers, the tech savvy ladies in the business center who helped me stay connected and provided a safe and comfortable place to manage so many responsibilities, the volunteer who helped me meet so many of my needs, the wonderful people in the family rooms who shared their strength while facing their own hardships and the caring people of Fargo who opened their homes to me, shared their holidays, introduced me to their families, provided me with transportation, repaired my wedding ring and selflessly gave of themselves.
Now home alone, the days are long and the nights lonely. However, my thoughts of Fargo warm my heart and the love of my family and friends here at home give me comfort and peace. I will forever cherish my memories of Don and our 37 years together.
Gratefully yours,
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Open House
Please join us at our home this coming Saturday, January 22 from 3-6 pm to share laughter and tears, memories and the warmth of family and friends.
We will hold a more 'formal' memorial service around May 1.
Email my mom or I if you need directions.
Monday, January 17, 2011
A warm homecoming!
After a fiasco at the airport due to a cancelled flight, my uncle (mom's brother) met her at the airport and drove her home to find a fire in the fireplace, a fresh pot of coffee brewing and neighbors gathered around the kitchen table awaiting her arrival. The first step to returning home is over, and went surprisingly well. Thanks everyone for the warm homecoming!
6 Hours on a Flight with Ollie...Sound Like Fun?
On Friday morning our family will be getting on a plane in Bozeman, to fly to Newark where GramBo will be waiting with open arms...one for her Ollie-bear and one for her Andy-bear. I will hold on to Carver for just a little while longer :) And as many of you know, getting in and out of Montana is sometimes a rediculous task. So, we board at 7am in Bozeman and what do we do? Oh ya, we fly the wrong direction for a couple hours...to Seattle. Once we land in Seattle, we have a little time, before we re-board with both babies and get on a direct flight from Seattle to Newark. Yes, this is a 6 hour flight with a 19 month old and a 4 month old. I am writing today for suggestions. I know there are so many fellow moms out there keeping up with the Liedbergs, so I need some help. Ollie is about as active as they come and the only time he sits peacefully is when he is sick. What on earth do you do with a 19 month old baby boy on an airplane for 6 hours?! Any suggestions are appreciated!
Thankfully, we arrive in Newark at 5:30pm and GramBo has already said she will have pizza for all (Ollie and Andy's favorite!). Once we land, we are on the ground for a full week to spend some time away from our "real life". Able to laugh and cry and just breath a couple of breaths to pay respect to an incredible father, grandfather, husband, friend and mentor. I am sure over the past week, JoAnne, Kier and Andy have all had that passing thought about how one continues after something like this. But Andy, pinned the needle on the head while talking to his mom or sis, when he said that "the babies don't care if you are sad or hurting, they need to eat, play, read a book, take naps, and go about their day". That being said, Kier has Laton coming to keep her going, we of course, have Ollie and Carver and GramBo, well you can only imagine how busy she will be with three Liedberg grandsons needing her love and attention, while following in their grandfathers big footprints!
Thankfully, we arrive in Newark at 5:30pm and GramBo has already said she will have pizza for all (Ollie and Andy's favorite!). Once we land, we are on the ground for a full week to spend some time away from our "real life". Able to laugh and cry and just breath a couple of breaths to pay respect to an incredible father, grandfather, husband, friend and mentor. I am sure over the past week, JoAnne, Kier and Andy have all had that passing thought about how one continues after something like this. But Andy, pinned the needle on the head while talking to his mom or sis, when he said that "the babies don't care if you are sad or hurting, they need to eat, play, read a book, take naps, and go about their day". That being said, Kier has Laton coming to keep her going, we of course, have Ollie and Carver and GramBo, well you can only imagine how busy she will be with three Liedberg grandsons needing her love and attention, while following in their grandfathers big footprints!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
8,068 Views
Talking with you is propably the single most important thing I can do to help myself. Reading what Kiersten writes is healing.
Our conversations may have been framed with tears, but more helpful than you know.
Our conversations may have been framed with tears, but more helpful than you know.
PS
On Friday, I went in for a fetal heart monitoring non-stress test and Laton seems to be weathering this storm. I know women around the globe manage horribly stressful situations during pregnancy and have very healthy babies.
As anyone would expect, this week has been a tough one and it's been nice to be able to 'check out' for a few days and wallow in my grief. I'm starting to feel a bit better, a bit more sane and moving towards accepting my new reality.
On Wednesday, my mother, Eric and I flew to from Fargo to Chicago to spend a few days together. Then my Aunt Pat (his sister) and her daughter (my cousin) Molly flew in for the weekend. We looked at old photographs, shared memories, talked about the times we'll miss and even managed to squeeze in a game of Pitch, a card game we often played at family gatherings.
In looking at the pictures, I realized he was always sitting next to me at important events or dinners. On our wedding day, he sat next to me (my husband was on the other side), when my grandmother passed last January, he sat next to me (again Eric was on the other side) and this morning at breakfast, just by happenstance the chair next to me was empty (but Eric was still on the other side). I started to internalize some what I have been telling myself - how he is still with me, how he will live on through my life - and the messages friends and family have been sharing - how he will live on in theirs. Good thing he was so prolific!
Tomorrow I will go back to work and my mom will fly home. I hope for her the transition returning home goes as well as it can. My uncle (her brother) will meet her at the airport and walk into the house with her. I understand some neighbors will turn the heat up and maybe even leave a few provisions (half and half for coffee) to make those first few hours seem less cold. So far, she's been incredibly strong, but the days ahead may be difficult ones. There are many messages to reply to and I'm sure your support will be so important in the coming days.
My brother and his family will fly to PA and be able to help with some of the 'checklists' that need to be tackled. It will be good for both of them to spend some time together and for Andy to be able to share his memories with you, as I am doing here.
On Wednesday, my mother, Eric and I flew to from Fargo to Chicago to spend a few days together. Then my Aunt Pat (his sister) and her daughter (my cousin) Molly flew in for the weekend. We looked at old photographs, shared memories, talked about the times we'll miss and even managed to squeeze in a game of Pitch, a card game we often played at family gatherings.
In looking at the pictures, I realized he was always sitting next to me at important events or dinners. On our wedding day, he sat next to me (my husband was on the other side), when my grandmother passed last January, he sat next to me (again Eric was on the other side) and this morning at breakfast, just by happenstance the chair next to me was empty (but Eric was still on the other side). I started to internalize some what I have been telling myself - how he is still with me, how he will live on through my life - and the messages friends and family have been sharing - how he will live on in theirs. Good thing he was so prolific!
Tomorrow I will go back to work and my mom will fly home. I hope for her the transition returning home goes as well as it can. My uncle (her brother) will meet her at the airport and walk into the house with her. I understand some neighbors will turn the heat up and maybe even leave a few provisions (half and half for coffee) to make those first few hours seem less cold. So far, she's been incredibly strong, but the days ahead may be difficult ones. There are many messages to reply to and I'm sure your support will be so important in the coming days.
My brother and his family will fly to PA and be able to help with some of the 'checklists' that need to be tackled. It will be good for both of them to spend some time together and for Andy to be able to share his memories with you, as I am doing here.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Changing the things I can
Today Kiersten and I sat in the baby's nursery (due 3/23, our anniversary) and talked about her dad. Our daughter-in-law, Kura, packed boxes of clothing her sons outgrew and Don packaged them in plastic and secured a tarp around them in the bed of the truck. Every box made it to Chicago and Kiersten; she thanked her dad for his last gift to her.
We talked about sailing and laughed because he always said his children listened to him best when he was Captain Don. Then today I received this picture.
Fishing, a favorite past time...
Fishing in Alaska last summer with old friend Mike Rateau. We always had a good supply of great quality halibut, salmon and walleye...
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Memorial Service
Thank you all so very much for your love and compassion, your generous offers to help during the last month and for sharing with us your fond memories and deep admiration for someone we cherish so dearly. Sharing our story with you has been so helpful for me personally; thank you Kura (Andy's wife - the BusyMama) for setting up this blog and to all of you for listening. In this dark and difficult moment, I don't feel isolated or alone but rather embraced by your warmth and love. It's a gift and helping me to put one foot in front of the other and keep my Cortisol (the 'fight or flight' hormone produced in times of stress) levels at bay for baby Laton.
At this time, in part because my travel window is coming to a close and I don't want to take any chances with his precious grandson, we are considering holding the memorial celebration on May 1 (or there about) in PA. His body will be cremated today and his ashes brought home. He did not want a viewing/funeral in the traditional sense, and we would like to remember him through his accomplishments, the ways he touched our lives and how much richer we are for having known him.
We will continue to share our story through his blog, how our lives evolve and we carry him with us as we move forward. We will share firm details of the memorial celebration here and through email as the information becomes available. I'm not sure we'll find a church large enough to hold us all!
Please continue to forward this information as you have been.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Thank You to Everyone
Thank you to everyone who have supported and prayed and visited and cared for us, on this long and challenging journey. We appreciate all of the love that has been shown and I am sure, it will continue to help this family through the upcoming weeks. Don was an incredible man and last night as Andy and I laughed and cried about some of our favorite times, we discussed how many lives that Don was able to touch.
Don's time has passed, after he battled with everything that he had. But his memory, as they say, will not soon be forgotton.
Don's time has passed, after he battled with everything that he had. But his memory, as they say, will not soon be forgotton.
What more is there to say?
When something like this happens it hard to find the right words to say. There aren't any really - but a warm embrace and knowing we aren't living through this tragedy alone brings some solace.
A nurse explained it to me this way, whether accurate or not, I'm not sure, but it's a concept I can visualize and wrap my brain around.
He developed sepsis, and they fought it, but the fight left his body weakened. Somewhere, in some dark corner lurched a small bit of the infection. Perhaps only a few cells, and maybe in this dark corner they laid dormant for some time - without oxygen or blood flow to provide these cells with a vehicle to do any harm. Then, their opportunity presented itself and they hitched a ride into his bloodstream. His immune system already devastated, he didn't stand a fighting chance against this new invader. In no time at all, before we even knew or understood it, the battle was lost.
So quickly life changes. One moment I was looking forward to a meat lovers pizza and concerning myself with the condition of my kitchen floor and the next - none of that mattered. My brother called as I drove home the same route I drive everyday to tell me NoDak highway patrol had called to tell him mom and dad were in an accident. It's bad, he's said, but they are going to be okay - and almost they were.
As per the wishes expressed in my father's living will, in the morning we will discontinue all the last ditch efforts we have been employing. No more blood transfusions or huge doses of blood pressure medicine to keep his blood perfusing to the most vital organs. It's time to celebrate all that he's given us, all he's taught and shared, the time we had together.
It's hard. There was so much living left to do. He hasn't taught my husband to sail, or why a 529 is the better route when saving for Laton's future. Hell, he was 'supposed' to be carrying a suitcase full of dolls I was arranging to an orphanage in Lima, Peru - as my folks embarked on what would have been a trip of a lifetime, something on his bucket list - Macchu Pichu and the Galapagos. How quickly it all unraveled.
What is there to say, really? We had a beautiful relationship.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Very low blood pressure was the first sign something was wrong. It's still dangerously low and his blood is not prefusing to his organs properly.
Lactic acid is building up in his system. This also shows his body is not oxygenating properly. It's common in people with sepsis and very low blood pressure.
The levels of potassium in his blood are increasing. This is because his kidneys have stopped functioning.
There is a hematoma (basically a black and blue mark) on his spleen where a blood vessel must have burst. They are giving him hemoglobin (plasma) and taken him off the blood thinners to treat this. It seems to be helping some, but it's not enough given everything else that's going on.
Lactic acid is building up in his system. This also shows his body is not oxygenating properly. It's common in people with sepsis and very low blood pressure.
The levels of potassium in his blood are increasing. This is because his kidneys have stopped functioning.
There is a hematoma (basically a black and blue mark) on his spleen where a blood vessel must have burst. They are giving him hemoglobin (plasma) and taken him off the blood thinners to treat this. It seems to be helping some, but it's not enough given everything else that's going on.
The nurse said this began last night when he did not tolerate the evening 'exercise' of being off the ventilator, but they thought perhaps he was tired, he had done very well in the morning.
He had no fever then, still no fever now. The cultures they had taken a few days ago didn't show any signs of infection. He was on 3 kinds of antibiotics then, today they changed the antibiotics to different, broad spectrum antibiotics.
I'm not ready for this, but I'm not sure he'll make it through the night.
CT scan results
The CT scan showed his lungs look better than they have since he's been in the hosptial, I guess it's true when you stop smoking your body does start to heal! The scan didn't give us any indication as to why his bp is so low or his white blood cell count so high. The doctors have expanded the spectrum of antibotics and are controlling his vitals with medication. We don't have any information as to what's next or why, but for the moment we're holding steady.
I made his recipe for blueberry pancakes this morning and they were delicious. Not often, but on occasion when I was a child my dad would cook breakfast on the weekend. Typically we had blueberry pancakes - the only difference being to substitute 1/2 the water in the instant pancake mix recipe with white wine. It adds a greater complexity to the batter and goes nicely with the blueberries - probably not something he'd even consider making today.
I made his recipe for blueberry pancakes this morning and they were delicious. Not often, but on occasion when I was a child my dad would cook breakfast on the weekend. Typically we had blueberry pancakes - the only difference being to substitute 1/2 the water in the instant pancake mix recipe with white wine. It adds a greater complexity to the batter and goes nicely with the blueberries - probably not something he'd even consider making today.
Rollercoasters are not for the faint of heart...
1 month post-accident
Yesterday was such a good day, we all took a little break and I started 'nesting' (organizing the house for the baby's arrival). When my mom was preparing to head back to the apartment for the night, she went to give him a kiss, but couldn't reach him and said so. He moved his head closer and puckered his lips to receive her kiss. Amazing, right! It shows comprehension and an appropriate response to a situation - I know he is 'in' there, we just need to get him well enough to start the physical and occupational therapy to help him make the strongest recovery.
Then...
This morning around 5 am the hospital called and asked my mom to come over right away. Her apartment isn't pretty, but it is close by so in a case like this we're thankful for the location. His blood pressure had dropped to dangerously low levels and his white blood cell count had doubled - there is a new infection brewing - or something.
The doctors sent him down for a CT scan (of his body, not his brain) and we are waiting to hear the results. The culture they did on Jan 4 never grew (after his 2nd surgery for the sepsis) so at that point they had a good handle on this particular infection.
Today's infection we don't know enough about yet. He is on antibiotics, but perhaps not the 'right' cocktail of antibiotics because some new strain has been able to take hold.
I can't believe this is happening...
Yesterday was such a good day, we all took a little break and I started 'nesting' (organizing the house for the baby's arrival). When my mom was preparing to head back to the apartment for the night, she went to give him a kiss, but couldn't reach him and said so. He moved his head closer and puckered his lips to receive her kiss. Amazing, right! It shows comprehension and an appropriate response to a situation - I know he is 'in' there, we just need to get him well enough to start the physical and occupational therapy to help him make the strongest recovery.
Then...
This morning around 5 am the hospital called and asked my mom to come over right away. Her apartment isn't pretty, but it is close by so in a case like this we're thankful for the location. His blood pressure had dropped to dangerously low levels and his white blood cell count had doubled - there is a new infection brewing - or something.
The doctors sent him down for a CT scan (of his body, not his brain) and we are waiting to hear the results. The culture they did on Jan 4 never grew (after his 2nd surgery for the sepsis) so at that point they had a good handle on this particular infection.
Today's infection we don't know enough about yet. He is on antibiotics, but perhaps not the 'right' cocktail of antibiotics because some new strain has been able to take hold.
I can't believe this is happening...
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Two steps back, but now a step forward!
Today is a good day - he responded to a command! When asked to wiggle his toes, he does. He'll also move his head to look in the direction my mom's voice is coming from, which he was starting to do yesterday. She put a football game on for him and on occasion, he seems to watch it.
Still no word on the results of that culture they did a few days ago. Today's nurse didn't seem to know anything about it, but perhaps that only means the culture did not grow and she doesn't need to be adding any other meds to his regiment.
If all continues on the same trajectory, the surgeon will likely close up his abdomenal incision early next week. Hopefully, this is our last setback for a while and the sepsis doesn't have any long term effects on his recovery.
We're back to where we were just before Christmas - except his trach is working now. Still no long-term diagnosis, but from the stories I've heard people do make amazing recoveries with lots of time and hard work. The Tuesday and Wednesday after Christmas were his 'best' days so far, the time when the doctors had moved him out of the ICU, so perhaps next week will be a good one for him.
Still no word on the results of that culture they did a few days ago. Today's nurse didn't seem to know anything about it, but perhaps that only means the culture did not grow and she doesn't need to be adding any other meds to his regiment.
If all continues on the same trajectory, the surgeon will likely close up his abdomenal incision early next week. Hopefully, this is our last setback for a while and the sepsis doesn't have any long term effects on his recovery.
We're back to where we were just before Christmas - except his trach is working now. Still no long-term diagnosis, but from the stories I've heard people do make amazing recoveries with lots of time and hard work. The Tuesday and Wednesday after Christmas were his 'best' days so far, the time when the doctors had moved him out of the ICU, so perhaps next week will be a good one for him.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Holding Pattern or Healing Pattern
Today the nurse said for a patient in the ICU, a few days of stable vitals means the patient is moving from a holding pattern to a healing pattern. She used the word 'normal' instead of 'stable' to describe his vitals. 'Normal' sounds so wonderful, so normal!
The respiratory therapist turned down the ventilator for a few hours this morning, and then again for a few hours this afternoon and both times, he tolerated the exercise without any trouble.
He's back on a 'drip' of medication to help him stay comfortable, whether it's Versed or Fetynal I'm not sure, but the amount is so minimal it should not interfere with his neurological state, or ability to 'wake up' - which leads me to the really good news. This afternoon my mom asked him to look at her, he had his eyes open already and he did - he moved his eyes to look at her. It's a small step, I realize but this is the first sign we've had in over a week. Still not wiggling his toes or squeezing my mom's hand, but thank goodness - we're moving in the right direction.
This experience is another opportunity for me to practice patience, a skill set that will likely come in handy in parenthood. Looking forward to posting another positive update in the morning.
The respiratory therapist turned down the ventilator for a few hours this morning, and then again for a few hours this afternoon and both times, he tolerated the exercise without any trouble.
He's back on a 'drip' of medication to help him stay comfortable, whether it's Versed or Fetynal I'm not sure, but the amount is so minimal it should not interfere with his neurological state, or ability to 'wake up' - which leads me to the really good news. This afternoon my mom asked him to look at her, he had his eyes open already and he did - he moved his eyes to look at her. It's a small step, I realize but this is the first sign we've had in over a week. Still not wiggling his toes or squeezing my mom's hand, but thank goodness - we're moving in the right direction.
This experience is another opportunity for me to practice patience, a skill set that will likely come in handy in parenthood. Looking forward to posting another positive update in the morning.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Jan 6
It's 9:30 pm and I've just walked in the door from a full day...
In short, he's about the same, stable but not 'awake'. He was having some labored breathing, or maybe rapid or accelerated breathing is a better way to say it. The nurses can't tell if perhaps he's breathing harder because he's in pain so they gave him some Versed which is a sedative. It promotes sleepiness and memory loss and works to reduce anxiety. If the Versed doesn't help him to relax, then they will move on to Fentyal - a fairly powerful narcotic and analgesic, it acts rapidly and wears off quickly too. One website I read said it's 100 times more powerful than morphine.
My mom said tonight the incision from the surgery on his abdomen is larger than a cesarean. Poor guy, he's been through so much. Perhaps it's better he's not awake for all this...
In short, he's about the same, stable but not 'awake'. He was having some labored breathing, or maybe rapid or accelerated breathing is a better way to say it. The nurses can't tell if perhaps he's breathing harder because he's in pain so they gave him some Versed which is a sedative. It promotes sleepiness and memory loss and works to reduce anxiety. If the Versed doesn't help him to relax, then they will move on to Fentyal - a fairly powerful narcotic and analgesic, it acts rapidly and wears off quickly too. One website I read said it's 100 times more powerful than morphine.
My mom said tonight the incision from the surgery on his abdomen is larger than a cesarean. Poor guy, he's been through so much. Perhaps it's better he's not awake for all this...
Baby Kisses!
This is going to be a fast post because I am at work, but I had to get it up for GramBo!!
This morning I had a rough start, with not much motivation to go to work. After a big hug from Andy we headed in to get Ollie out of bed. He greeted us with his perfect little baby smile and immediately started to talk...book? book? piggy? book? buddy? book? "Ollie don't you want your diaper changed?" as he rounded the corner down the hall with a book in each hand, ready to start his day.
Well, I was getting ready to leave and Andy says "Ollie, can you give mama a kiss?" (Andy has had the luxury of Ollie's first couple of kisses so he decided to share) "Kish?" and then he gives me the open mouth kiss face and leans over so I can receive my perfect gift to get this day started...my first Ollie kiss!
GramBo, when you see Ollie next, he will be ready to give you a big "kish". We are thinking of you both everyday and can't wait to see you soon!
This morning I had a rough start, with not much motivation to go to work. After a big hug from Andy we headed in to get Ollie out of bed. He greeted us with his perfect little baby smile and immediately started to talk...book? book? piggy? book? buddy? book? "Ollie don't you want your diaper changed?" as he rounded the corner down the hall with a book in each hand, ready to start his day.
Well, I was getting ready to leave and Andy says "Ollie, can you give mama a kiss?" (Andy has had the luxury of Ollie's first couple of kisses so he decided to share) "Kish?" and then he gives me the open mouth kiss face and leans over so I can receive my perfect gift to get this day started...my first Ollie kiss!
GramBo, when you see Ollie next, he will be ready to give you a big "kish". We are thinking of you both everyday and can't wait to see you soon!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Jan 5
There is not much to report today.
The cultures they took yesterday haven't done much, so they are waiting until tomorrow to learn more. His blood pressure is a bit high, but managable. He opens his eyes and responds to pain, but doesn't focus or follow any commands. Currently they reduced the work the ventilator is doing by about 50% and he's tolerating the 'exercise.' Yesterday he was able to breathe with the reduced ventilator for about 90 minutes. His incision still looks good and they are thinking about closing him up in a day or two.
I guess all there is to say is sepsis is hard on the body - all its systems. He is working double-duty to try and recover from the infection. The doctors haven't ordered another CT scan, no EEG to measure the electrical activity, or an MRI - so perhaps it's me who's feeling impatient. I'm ready for the 'next step' and he's still working on the one he's one. Patience isn't my strong suit...
Our son - due in March - has heart arrhythmia. I imagine half the world is walking around with an irregular heart beat and most of them probably don't realize it. Every week we are hooked up to a fetal heart monitor and his heart rate is monitored/recorded for an extended period of time, at least 30 minutes but up to an hour. Today was our 5th visit to labor and delivery and so far, his heartbeat has always been within the 'normal' range. It was very disconcerting at first to learn about this arrhythmia, now we have 'lived' with it for almost two months and I don't feel so anxious. I'm glad our doctors are being cautious, particularly with all that is happening. I'm trying to get lots of rest, pay close attention to the nutrition I'm getting and take breaks from 'reality' when I can.
The cultures they took yesterday haven't done much, so they are waiting until tomorrow to learn more. His blood pressure is a bit high, but managable. He opens his eyes and responds to pain, but doesn't focus or follow any commands. Currently they reduced the work the ventilator is doing by about 50% and he's tolerating the 'exercise.' Yesterday he was able to breathe with the reduced ventilator for about 90 minutes. His incision still looks good and they are thinking about closing him up in a day or two.
I guess all there is to say is sepsis is hard on the body - all its systems. He is working double-duty to try and recover from the infection. The doctors haven't ordered another CT scan, no EEG to measure the electrical activity, or an MRI - so perhaps it's me who's feeling impatient. I'm ready for the 'next step' and he's still working on the one he's one. Patience isn't my strong suit...
Our son - due in March - has heart arrhythmia. I imagine half the world is walking around with an irregular heart beat and most of them probably don't realize it. Every week we are hooked up to a fetal heart monitor and his heart rate is monitored/recorded for an extended period of time, at least 30 minutes but up to an hour. Today was our 5th visit to labor and delivery and so far, his heartbeat has always been within the 'normal' range. It was very disconcerting at first to learn about this arrhythmia, now we have 'lived' with it for almost two months and I don't feel so anxious. I'm glad our doctors are being cautious, particularly with all that is happening. I'm trying to get lots of rest, pay close attention to the nutrition I'm getting and take breaks from 'reality' when I can.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Kiersten's cellphone
I got a new cell phone - and a new service provider - and we've tried to 'port' my MT cell # over to the new phone (it's true, I'm living in the past and reluctant to admit to myself I live in the midwest). For whatever reason, the transition did not go smoothly and for days - it's been 5 now - my cell phone can send calls, but not receive them. We paid the bill, honest, and called to complain numerous times - to no avail. If you've been trying to reach me - send me an email instead. Hugely inconvenient - perhaps next I'll start blogging as to why Virgin Mobile is not a good option for a cellular service provider.
January 4th
I had a busy day, my mom had a busy day - and my dad just slept...
He's stable, his vitals are fine and they removed the stomach 'vacuum' they had through his mouth, down his throat and into his stomach (so I'm sure that feels better) and they started, albeit very slowly, to provide him with nourishment again through his feeding tube - which he is tolerating. The incision in his stomach looks good and is healing nicely. The doctors are using a wound vac which will eventually close on its own - and I would recommend googling this one - it's fascinating!
He did have a fever this afternoon, 100.6 but it's down now, 98.4 and the nurse sent in cultures from his blood, urine and mucus from his trach. These cultures take 24 hours for preliminary results and 48 for conclusive. Hopefully, they don't grow and his fever proves to be insignificant.
Now, we're just waiting for him to 'wake up'. He's been off of sedation for a while now, maybe 2 days, so we look forward to him squeezing my mom's hand, or opening his eyes and making eye contact with her.
Prior to all these challenges with the trach and the feeding tube, back when he only had a TBI - he was very slow to 'wake up' (it took maybe 10 days after the accident) but when he did -we were feeling very positive. He remembered he smoked, he remembered how to smoke and he remembered to go outside to smoke. Of course, he didn't smoke, but he wanted to - played charades and motioned to my mom 'hey, let's go outside to smoke...' Today I'm holding on to that information, the belief that he's in there, just not ready to come out - just like before.
He's stable, his vitals are fine and they removed the stomach 'vacuum' they had through his mouth, down his throat and into his stomach (so I'm sure that feels better) and they started, albeit very slowly, to provide him with nourishment again through his feeding tube - which he is tolerating. The incision in his stomach looks good and is healing nicely. The doctors are using a wound vac which will eventually close on its own - and I would recommend googling this one - it's fascinating!
He did have a fever this afternoon, 100.6 but it's down now, 98.4 and the nurse sent in cultures from his blood, urine and mucus from his trach. These cultures take 24 hours for preliminary results and 48 for conclusive. Hopefully, they don't grow and his fever proves to be insignificant.
Now, we're just waiting for him to 'wake up'. He's been off of sedation for a while now, maybe 2 days, so we look forward to him squeezing my mom's hand, or opening his eyes and making eye contact with her.
Prior to all these challenges with the trach and the feeding tube, back when he only had a TBI - he was very slow to 'wake up' (it took maybe 10 days after the accident) but when he did -we were feeling very positive. He remembered he smoked, he remembered how to smoke and he remembered to go outside to smoke. Of course, he didn't smoke, but he wanted to - played charades and motioned to my mom 'hey, let's go outside to smoke...' Today I'm holding on to that information, the belief that he's in there, just not ready to come out - just like before.
Jan 3-4
Things are looking up!
Yesterday his condition had been stable and through out the night he started to open his eyes (not focusing), react to pain (when the nurse pinches his toe) and stir a little bit. His white blood count is good (it's at a 9, when on NYE it was a 15 - which honestly doesn't mean anything to me), his temperature is normal, vitals are good and the resident doctor who came around this morning thought it may be time to try and start him back on nutrition again through his feeding tube (last time he 'ate' was maybe Wednesday night - it's Tuesday morning now). They'll keep the 'vaccum' to his stomach in place for another day or two, just to be sure how he tolerates 'eating' again, but it seems he's fought the sepsis and is coming out on the other side. Thank goodness.
We're still not talking about weening him off the ventilator or much about his neurological status (he's no longer on the sedation drip, but the nurse did push through some sedation medication through the night to keep him comfortable), so in a way we are back to where we were before Christmas.
Of course, the road is long, with set backs and hurdles, but looking forward to getting back on track - back to worrying about the TBI that landed him in the hospital in the first place.
Yesterday his condition had been stable and through out the night he started to open his eyes (not focusing), react to pain (when the nurse pinches his toe) and stir a little bit. His white blood count is good (it's at a 9, when on NYE it was a 15 - which honestly doesn't mean anything to me), his temperature is normal, vitals are good and the resident doctor who came around this morning thought it may be time to try and start him back on nutrition again through his feeding tube (last time he 'ate' was maybe Wednesday night - it's Tuesday morning now). They'll keep the 'vaccum' to his stomach in place for another day or two, just to be sure how he tolerates 'eating' again, but it seems he's fought the sepsis and is coming out on the other side. Thank goodness.
We're still not talking about weening him off the ventilator or much about his neurological status (he's no longer on the sedation drip, but the nurse did push through some sedation medication through the night to keep him comfortable), so in a way we are back to where we were before Christmas.
Of course, the road is long, with set backs and hurdles, but looking forward to getting back on track - back to worrying about the TBI that landed him in the hospital in the first place.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
First Night Away From Baby...We are making progress GramBo!
Well, I am hoping this post makes GramBo excited for her future visit to Disneyland!!
Yesterday, after what was a sufficient house cleaning, that suited our new year, we headed to my sisters house in Bozeman for our traditional Pennsylvania Dutch dinner of pork roast, saurkraut and mashed potatoes. This was going to be an overnight slumber party for the whole family. Well, Andy just couldn't bring himself to leave Axel for that long, so he decided he was just going to ride the bus back to Big Sky after dinner. Of course, we didn't bother to check the bus schedule til we had left the house, when we realized that the last bus headed to Big Sky leaves Bozeman at 3:10pm...about an hour before we even headed to Bozeman. New plan, Andy would just drive home and come get us in the morning. All is settled.
We all have a delicious dinner and Ollie enjoys playing with a friend. Together they manage not to break anything and no one gets hurt! As I am changing both boys and getting thier jammies on, I wonder how on earth I am going to get these two boys to sleep in one bed with me, all night. These thoughts wander in and out as I hold Ollie by the ankles as he attempts to roll to eithere side so he can crawl all over the bed without a diaper, while carver whines helplessly on the floor beside us. At this time I also realize how impossibly strong someone so small can be! So, I ask Andy if he will take Ollie and Carver and I will stay the night with Aunt Jade. He agrees. All is settled...again.
As the night winds down and Andy is getting ready to head home, I suddenly realize that this will be my first night away from Ollie! A big night for mama. Of course, my mind fills with all the awful thoughts that riddle a mothers mind...I am guessing this is just a small taste of the next 18 years, at least. I don't have any other options, so I let the guys go home to the big dog and the Steelers football game today. Carver and I road the bus home this afternoon with uncle Haven and apparently, Andy and Ollie had a very good day.
Ollie is repeating everything we say (no swear words when I got home so I guess that is good). He doesn't shut up from the time he wakes up in the morning until the time he goes to bed, aside for nap time. He is in temper tantrum city and has no problem screaming or throwing things if something isn't going his way. But he is learning a little everyday how to deal with challenges. I think it is going to be a long 2011!
Yesterday, after what was a sufficient house cleaning, that suited our new year, we headed to my sisters house in Bozeman for our traditional Pennsylvania Dutch dinner of pork roast, saurkraut and mashed potatoes. This was going to be an overnight slumber party for the whole family. Well, Andy just couldn't bring himself to leave Axel for that long, so he decided he was just going to ride the bus back to Big Sky after dinner. Of course, we didn't bother to check the bus schedule til we had left the house, when we realized that the last bus headed to Big Sky leaves Bozeman at 3:10pm...about an hour before we even headed to Bozeman. New plan, Andy would just drive home and come get us in the morning. All is settled.
We all have a delicious dinner and Ollie enjoys playing with a friend. Together they manage not to break anything and no one gets hurt! As I am changing both boys and getting thier jammies on, I wonder how on earth I am going to get these two boys to sleep in one bed with me, all night. These thoughts wander in and out as I hold Ollie by the ankles as he attempts to roll to eithere side so he can crawl all over the bed without a diaper, while carver whines helplessly on the floor beside us. At this time I also realize how impossibly strong someone so small can be! So, I ask Andy if he will take Ollie and Carver and I will stay the night with Aunt Jade. He agrees. All is settled...again.
As the night winds down and Andy is getting ready to head home, I suddenly realize that this will be my first night away from Ollie! A big night for mama. Of course, my mind fills with all the awful thoughts that riddle a mothers mind...I am guessing this is just a small taste of the next 18 years, at least. I don't have any other options, so I let the guys go home to the big dog and the Steelers football game today. Carver and I road the bus home this afternoon with uncle Haven and apparently, Andy and Ollie had a very good day.
Ollie is repeating everything we say (no swear words when I got home so I guess that is good). He doesn't shut up from the time he wakes up in the morning until the time he goes to bed, aside for nap time. He is in temper tantrum city and has no problem screaming or throwing things if something isn't going his way. But he is learning a little everyday how to deal with challenges. I think it is going to be a long 2011!
Today was a good day
The second surgery went very well - his vitals and blood-work look good, and the doctors said he may not need a third or fourth go around of 'mop-up' surgery. They are even starting to ween him off the sedation medication. Thank goodness, we'll sleep soundly tonight.
My mom was invited to the birthday party of the son of one of my dad's nurses. She went and enjoyed a respite of 'normalcy'. While Fargo is far from the ideal place to get 'stuck' - it does have its advantages... so many in fact, they wrote a book about it... How Fargo of You.
My mom was invited to the birthday party of the son of one of my dad's nurses. She went and enjoyed a respite of 'normalcy'. While Fargo is far from the ideal place to get 'stuck' - it does have its advantages... so many in fact, they wrote a book about it... How Fargo of You.
Jan 2
This morning he went in for the follow up surgery, as was planned. Apparently this surgery is tough on your organs, they don't like to be man-handled in this way, so it's standard for doctors to gently wash way the infection in a series of surgeries rather than one thorough and aggressive surgery. He'll probably have another in a day or two.
His vitals are good, he's still sedated but no longer in a medically-induced coma. His doctors seem confident they caught the infection in time and in a week or so, we'll be planning his return to PA and how to best treat the brain injury.
A family friend who is a speech pathologist suggested showing him images, a word associated with that image and then taking to him about what's happening in the photo. She used the example of a hospital, showing a picture of a hospital, the word hospital spelled out and then explaining to him he was in a car accident and is in the hospital where doctors and nurses are caring for him to get well. This will help his brain make the connection between hearing the sounds and visually associating meaning. I thought too, it might be nice to show him pictures of friends and family and sharing a short story about a memory you have with him.
I started by adding my profile picture to this blog. He's been wanting to see my pregnant belly, which was managable until recently! My mom can use the iPad to show him my picture and remind him baby Laton is looking forward to fishing trips, golf lessons and learning about the financial markets with him!
His vitals are good, he's still sedated but no longer in a medically-induced coma. His doctors seem confident they caught the infection in time and in a week or so, we'll be planning his return to PA and how to best treat the brain injury.
A family friend who is a speech pathologist suggested showing him images, a word associated with that image and then taking to him about what's happening in the photo. She used the example of a hospital, showing a picture of a hospital, the word hospital spelled out and then explaining to him he was in a car accident and is in the hospital where doctors and nurses are caring for him to get well. This will help his brain make the connection between hearing the sounds and visually associating meaning. I thought too, it might be nice to show him pictures of friends and family and sharing a short story about a memory you have with him.
I started by adding my profile picture to this blog. He's been wanting to see my pregnant belly, which was managable until recently! My mom can use the iPad to show him my picture and remind him baby Laton is looking forward to fishing trips, golf lessons and learning about the financial markets with him!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Year's Day
Alittle more progress....
This morning the doctors were concerned about his kidney function and thought about putting him on dialysis. They tried a medication to help his kidneys work better first and he has begun to make urine - a very good sign.
Tomorrow he'll have a follow up surgery to irrigate his abdomen again and further combat the sepsis. The doctors are cautious, as he is very sick, but today we're feeling optimistic.
I'm enjoying a hot apple cider to combat the cold in IL and looking forward to the promise of a new year.
This morning the doctors were concerned about his kidney function and thought about putting him on dialysis. They tried a medication to help his kidneys work better first and he has begun to make urine - a very good sign.
Tomorrow he'll have a follow up surgery to irrigate his abdomen again and further combat the sepsis. The doctors are cautious, as he is very sick, but today we're feeling optimistic.
I'm enjoying a hot apple cider to combat the cold in IL and looking forward to the promise of a new year.
Clearing another hurdle on the road to recovery
Happy New Year everyone!
We're not out of the woods yet, but we've started moving in the right direction - again!
Under sedation and the close supervision of the ICU nurse, he had a relatively quite and stable night. His vitals are good and the nurses have been able to back off on his blood pressure medicine. The potassium in his blood was at dangerous levels yesterday, but thankfully today's lab results show a drop in the potassium level. Potassium is critical for heart function, digestion and muscular function. His kidneys are inflamed (maybe called nephritides) because of the leakage. They are monitoring this closely and treating it with antibiotics. Critical, but managable and treatable.
His body is weak from all he's been through, but we're hopeful he has the strength and will to pull himself up from this low point. Just a few days ago he was trying to get outside to smoke a cigarette - as annoying as I thought that was - I'm holding on to the fact we were researching ways to bring him home and preparing for the next step in recovery. We can get there again.
Perhaps it's time for me to take a photo of my 7-month pregnant belly and post a profile pic illustrating while in this difficult moment, we can still count our blessings.
We're not out of the woods yet, but we've started moving in the right direction - again!
Under sedation and the close supervision of the ICU nurse, he had a relatively quite and stable night. His vitals are good and the nurses have been able to back off on his blood pressure medicine. The potassium in his blood was at dangerous levels yesterday, but thankfully today's lab results show a drop in the potassium level. Potassium is critical for heart function, digestion and muscular function. His kidneys are inflamed (maybe called nephritides) because of the leakage. They are monitoring this closely and treating it with antibiotics. Critical, but managable and treatable.
His body is weak from all he's been through, but we're hopeful he has the strength and will to pull himself up from this low point. Just a few days ago he was trying to get outside to smoke a cigarette - as annoying as I thought that was - I'm holding on to the fact we were researching ways to bring him home and preparing for the next step in recovery. We can get there again.
Perhaps it's time for me to take a photo of my 7-month pregnant belly and post a profile pic illustrating while in this difficult moment, we can still count our blessings.
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