What more is there to say?

When something like this happens it hard to find the right words to say. There aren't any really - but a warm embrace and knowing we aren't living through this tragedy alone brings some solace.

A nurse explained it to me this way, whether accurate or not, I'm not sure, but it's a concept I can visualize and wrap my brain around.

He developed sepsis, and they fought it, but the fight left his body weakened. Somewhere, in some dark corner lurched a small bit of the infection. Perhaps only a few cells, and maybe in this dark corner they laid dormant for some time - without oxygen or blood flow to provide these cells with a vehicle to do any harm. Then, their opportunity presented itself and they hitched a ride into his bloodstream. His immune system already devastated, he didn't stand a fighting chance against this new invader. In no time at all, before we even knew or understood it, the battle was lost.

So quickly life changes. One moment I was looking forward to a meat lovers pizza and concerning myself with the condition of my kitchen floor and the next - none of that mattered. My brother called as I drove home the same route I drive everyday to tell me NoDak highway patrol had called to tell him mom and dad were in an accident. It's bad, he's said, but they are going to be okay - and almost they were.

As per the wishes expressed in my father's living will, in the morning we will discontinue all the last ditch efforts we have been employing. No more blood transfusions or huge doses of blood pressure medicine to keep his blood perfusing to the most vital organs. It's time to celebrate all that he's given us, all he's taught and shared, the time we had together.

It's hard. There was so much living left to do. He hasn't taught my husband to sail, or why a 529 is the better route when saving for Laton's future. Hell, he was 'supposed' to be carrying a suitcase full of dolls I was arranging to an orphanage in Lima, Peru - as my folks embarked on what would have been a trip of a lifetime, something on his bucket list - Macchu Pichu and the Galapagos. How quickly it all unraveled.

What is there to say, really? We had a beautiful relationship.